Post by Penguin11 on Apr 24, 2016 6:16:19 GMT
I don't really remember the first time I realized society's view of gender was stupid. I just remember thinking it was stupid.
Being a guy who never really fit into the stereotypical mold, I had, as one would expect, a very uncomfortable time as a child. The amount of "grow up", "man up", and "toughen up" phrases spewed my way was ridiculous. I was called a baby for crying, and told to toughen up, even when my sister was consoled on the sidelines. I was told to stop "acting like a girl" by my brother for just showing the emotion I felt that day. These constant reminders that I should not express my emotions, or I would not be accepted as a "boy" continued to be festered in my mind, to the point where I wouldn't tell anyone what I was truly feeling, crying myself to sleep instead. That was the safest way to cope, as that was the only way to cope.
These constant unemotional barriers that being a boy comes with really hurt my interactions with boys over the years. I would have male friends sometimes, but the conversations we had would come down to a basic formula: video games, general stuff about school, tv/movies, etc. I always thought I was missing out because the boys I met would not want to have in-depth conversations with me. I never had an emotional crying session with another guy, as that was something frowned up, and is still frowned upon today.
So, naturally, I would go towards my female friends, who have actually been conditioned to express their emotions with other people. They would talk about how they were feeling, even some gossip that was going on, and it fueled me. I enjoyed listening to actual interesting shit; the shit that helps you bond with another person on a deeper level. And even that had its limits. Because of my own inherent guyness, I would be isolated, as they would be more inclined to talk to other girls about this kind of stuff, leaving me alone in my own little world once again.
Even today, I still feel trapped. I can't cry with another guy, and instead have to continue to interact on a surface-level. The female friends I have still treat me differently compared to the girls that they are friends with. I still feel like the gender stereotypes that continue to haunt me are preventing me from being as confident as I really should be. I want to be find some form of safe haven, yet the two gendered groups that I go between have no room for the emotional guy.
Man Up. Grow Up. Toughen Up. I'm tired of being told to go up my whole life. Up is not where I'm meant to be. Down isn't really where I want to be either. Once again, I'll work the gray area and see where it takes me, I guess. I'm a guy, and I cry. Why? Why not.
Being a guy who never really fit into the stereotypical mold, I had, as one would expect, a very uncomfortable time as a child. The amount of "grow up", "man up", and "toughen up" phrases spewed my way was ridiculous. I was called a baby for crying, and told to toughen up, even when my sister was consoled on the sidelines. I was told to stop "acting like a girl" by my brother for just showing the emotion I felt that day. These constant reminders that I should not express my emotions, or I would not be accepted as a "boy" continued to be festered in my mind, to the point where I wouldn't tell anyone what I was truly feeling, crying myself to sleep instead. That was the safest way to cope, as that was the only way to cope.
These constant unemotional barriers that being a boy comes with really hurt my interactions with boys over the years. I would have male friends sometimes, but the conversations we had would come down to a basic formula: video games, general stuff about school, tv/movies, etc. I always thought I was missing out because the boys I met would not want to have in-depth conversations with me. I never had an emotional crying session with another guy, as that was something frowned up, and is still frowned upon today.
So, naturally, I would go towards my female friends, who have actually been conditioned to express their emotions with other people. They would talk about how they were feeling, even some gossip that was going on, and it fueled me. I enjoyed listening to actual interesting shit; the shit that helps you bond with another person on a deeper level. And even that had its limits. Because of my own inherent guyness, I would be isolated, as they would be more inclined to talk to other girls about this kind of stuff, leaving me alone in my own little world once again.
Even today, I still feel trapped. I can't cry with another guy, and instead have to continue to interact on a surface-level. The female friends I have still treat me differently compared to the girls that they are friends with. I still feel like the gender stereotypes that continue to haunt me are preventing me from being as confident as I really should be. I want to be find some form of safe haven, yet the two gendered groups that I go between have no room for the emotional guy.
Man Up. Grow Up. Toughen Up. I'm tired of being told to go up my whole life. Up is not where I'm meant to be. Down isn't really where I want to be either. Once again, I'll work the gray area and see where it takes me, I guess. I'm a guy, and I cry. Why? Why not.