Bi*Bi*Bi

I think I was 11 when I realized that I liked women as well as men. For years, I tried to suppress my feelings. I convinced myself that it was normal for a straight woman to be curious about kissing and touching other women. I kept wondering if I was gay, but I knew that I was attracted to men.

I didn’t realize that bisexuality was a thing until I entered high school. I had multiple friends who identified as bisexual and the word gave me such liberation, even if I only said it to myself. I tried testing the waters with my mother by telling her that my one close friend was bisexual and explained his attraction to men and to older women. My mother quickly dismissed what I said, just claiming that my friend was just gay and wasn’t aware of it yet. I was crushed and confused. After that moment, I spent years trying to convince myself that I was straight. I would kiss other girls in truth or dare and try to hide the fact that my stomach was doing flips. I would try to avert my eyes from staring. While I was happy to be interacting with and dating men, hiding this other part of my identity made me miserable. I just wanted to scream it out to the world, but my mother’s words made me feel as if anything I said would be invalidated.

I didn’t come out for the first time until a few months ago. A close friend of mine came out and received such positive feedback and support, that it gave me the courage to finally accept my identity. I’m so tired of hiding who I am. I’m a proud bisexual and I refuse to feel invalidated any longer.